The Outlook?

I met up with some of my homies in town. We quickly decided that we needed beer, so we called up this weird guy who gave us his number and told us he'd deliver alcohol.

We called him up, and he brought us a sixteen pack of Canadian Cold Shots. We got into our buddy's car and drove to the airport, then crept along the fence until we got to this killer spot behind the grounds.

We cracked some beers while we waited for some more buddies. We sat down at a picnic table with a perfect view off of the cliff we'd walked to. There was a massive, unkempt field divided by a gigantic stream that flowed quickly down towards the mountains.

We slid down the mountain, managing to drink our beers on the way, and found a massive log that let us across the river. We scrapped in the field and ventured over to some strange field that looked an old grow-op. Our buddies showed up around now though, so we drunkenly tried to make a bridge to cross the river and most of my buddies got soaked trying to cross it.

We hauled ourselves up the cliff, earning a lot of bruises on the way, then chilled at the table, smoked some joints, and finished our beers.

After he'd finished drinking, my buddy drunkenly attempted to balance on a stump overlooking the cliff. He started to brag, and then slipped and fell 40 feet down the hill. He managed to pull himself up, bleeding and bruised, and we all laughed hard.

Eventually he got so hammered that he picked up the picnic table we were chilling at, and vaulted it off the cliff. It shattered into a dozen pieces, so we all just headed out. I went back to my place with a buddy and ripped some tokes.

A night on the playa

Burning Man '08--

I woke up in our RV at about 3 PM - hungover, naturally. The sweltering desert heat didn't really bother me as I managed to stumble out of bed and whip up some munch. I headed over to our neighbour's place, anxious to start a new day in the desert.

They had a hookah set up - one with eight hoses. They were packing bowls of sheesha and chronic (though it was some very bunk American chronic, mind you.) We all got pretty ripped, then decided to head out onto the main strip.

We cruised around checking out the craziness that could be seen - a massive mechanical hand that changed when you put yours into a mold, a 30-foot tall giant milk carton, a two hundred foot temple constructed entirely of wood. It was endless.

Finally the sun set below the mountains in the distance and the desert was instantly cast into darkness. We knew it was time to get our drank on. This guy called to us from a bar, and we headed over, stoked. He mentioned free alcohol, but then checked his watch - the bar was still closed. He walked off, but I shouted to this other bartender "do you still have free liquor?!"

She let us in through the back door and onto the dance floor before anyone showed up. She poured us some shots of some glowing drink, which started our buzz. We partied for a bit, then left, onto the next bar.

We made stops at the dozens of different bars around the main strip, meeting all the drunken bartenders and partying it up. The drinks were all served free - money isn't used on the Playa. After that, we decided to hop onto one of the mobile bars - in this case, a giant duck that shot lazers, converted into a 2 story open bar. We took some shots on there while it drove us across the desert and stepped off in front of a massive club that was blasting intense music.

On the way there we saw three guys biking around in circles stark naked. They all weighed about three hundred pounds, and were talking about when they lost their virginity. Only at Burning Man. . .


We stepped in and busted out hard while being nearly deafened and blinded by the lights and music. The bass was vibrating the entire desert floor. We were drunk as fuck for the mostpart though, and didn't really care. Soon after though a massive clubbing session, though, one of the dust storms started up.

I'd forgotten my goggles and saw little shelter around me. As the dust really picked up, I found myself unable to see even feet in front of me. I jumped into the only shelter I could find - an outhouse. Dust even flew in through the vents, though, so I left and stumbled around blindly until I managed to find my RV. I made it in, poured another drink, and then passed out, ready for another day of insanity.

The Heinekeg

I woke up to a beautiful spring day and decided that this was the day to purchase my first Heinekeg.

I went up town and met some buddies and we took the bus to our neighbouring town. Once at one of the malls there, we met up with a buddy, gave him the money, and he went to grab us our keg. We went out and christened it, right as a few of our buddies walked up, and we all chilled for a bit.

Finally, we got onto the bus to the city. We went into the mall and cruised around for a bit, then headed out to our beer drinking spot across the highway. We busted out our speakers and vibed with these girls until the beer was gone, then headed back to the mall.

On the way there we ran into about twenty people who were all fucked out of their minds on blow. Three of them came up to us and started jittering about some party they were supposed to be having, but he was too fucked up to keep a sentence going. They all looked like they were about to shank us, too. Regardless, I got the guy's number - he called himself 'Easter Bunny' and didn't seem to find that strange.

We went back into the mall and got kicked out of a bunch of stores for drunkenly trying to pinch stuff, then headed out to wait for the bus again. We took a few puffs, then got on. The cokehead who called himself Easter Bunny got on in front of us.

We talked to him for a bit, and found out that he'd just gotten out of jail for shooting someone twice in the leg. Right after this, he started busting up a huge line right on the bus, and told us that if we told anyone he'd get off at our stop and kill us. I dunno how he would have done that though - he didn't know what day it was or where he was, and we had to tell him where his stop was.

Anyways, we got off around my place and headed over to my neighbour's. It was his birthday so everyone had a case of beer, we were already drunk but we chilled and smoked some doobs. Eventually I headed back home, ripped a couple tokes, then passed out.

151 and the drunk tank. . . again?

Me and my buddies all hopped on the bus to the mall, and picked up our first beer bong. Before that, we'd grabbed a case of high-percentage beer, and since we'd already slammed a few, we chugged the rest in the beer bong.

We got an intense buzz and managed to avoid security enough. We ran into this girl who decided she'd come back to our buddy's place with us, so we got on to the bus back and headed over there.

Once we got there, his dad pulled out a 26 and sent it into rotation. We finished it really quick, and before we knew it, everyone was shouting and stumbling around the house, making more noise than the dogs were. His dad shouted out, asking if we had any money. We managed to pull out another 20 bucks, so he pitched the other 20 and grabbed us a bottle of 151.

We got the bottle and I quickly started pouring drinks. Most of them were straight 151. My memory phased out quickly and I hardly remember finishing the bottle. I have vague memories of feeling a desperate need to rip bong hoots, and setting out to do that - yet I only remember waking up in my ski boots on the cold, cement floor of the drunk tank, with horrible cramps.

I lay there painfully for a couple hours before they let me out, and I realized that they'd jacked my jamaican toque i'd got at the mall. That sucked. They sent me out and I walked back to my buddy's place to get the shit that I'd left there. It was a long walk and the boots chafed my shins until they were bleeding.

I got there, still quite drunk, and stumbled upstairs. My one buddy and the girl were there, the rest had left. They still seemed pretty drunk too, and we reminisced before I grabbed my stuff (including a giant plastic santa statue i didn't remember getting) and started to head home.

It took another painful, hungover hour to get home, and when I finally got there, I crashed hard. I woke up a few hours later and managed to head to work.

ballin' hard

Me and my buddy Jones were mishing to town on one of the few nice days we'd seen in the year. On the way, we saw a car for sale for $500. We asked the guy about it, and he showed us that it ran fine, so we walked to Jones' work to borrow five hundred from the register.

So we went back to the guy, gave him $500 cash, picked up some buddies in the car then parked it outside my place. We chilled for a bit, then drove down to the liquor store to meet our boot.

We got a sixteen case of hard beer between three of us, so we knew we'd be hammered. Force 8s do the job. We chilled at our buddy's place for a while and slammed a couple brews. When we had a buzz on, we decided to call a taxi as our last resort to getting to our buddy's party.

On the way to town square I gave the guy who owned the corner store five bucks, and he said he'd let me back in again. That was dope. I saw a bunch more of our homies just as the taxi arrived and had to peace before we all got to vibe.

I was stoked though, because the party was pretty fat. A few dozen people were all drinking around a massive fire, ripping bong tokes.

This one kid was incredibly wasted and being a goof, so this other kid pissed in his water bottle. The idiot was too drunk to realize he was drinking piss all night. Eventually he pissed his own pants and passed out on the dirt in front of the fire.

Everyone got pretty hammered, as the hours passed on people got louder and louder until things began to start dying down. People began passing around more joints and chilling, but there were still a crew of hammered people clubbing it up on the outdoor dance floor.

I peaced back home with a couple of my homies, and we all ripped some more tokes. We got incredibly chied and eventually, just passed out.

more than twenty-six 26s later. . .

I was vibing at work, waiting for a taxi, but after an hour they hadn't showed up. I began to walk down the highway, hoping I'd meet them, but they still never showed so I just stuck out my thumb to hitchhike. The first car that drove by picked me up, so I jumped in.

Some crazy christian was driving, and the whole ride he preached about Jesus. He had some tasty cookies he hooked up though, so it was chill.

He dropped me off pretty close to the party and I slammed two beer on the way there. It was new years eve, so I was in a rush - it was already 11:50. I quickened my pace and got to the house at 11:55. I knew that the liquor wouldn't all be gone - I'd gotten more than twenty bottles for the party, and everyone was bringing their own booze as well.

I opened the door and was instantly swarmed by 15 people, already buzzing hard or drunk. I had to push through the crew of LGs giving me hugs, and when I met up with my buddy in the kitchen where the liquor was, it struck midnight. I screamed HAPPY MOTHERFUCKING NEW YEARS, picked up one of the dozens of 26s and slammed a quarter of it.

The guy who's house it was had already passed out, so we tried to wake him up by shouting at him and giving him beats. Somehow, in his unconscious state on the couch, he still managed to flail and punch one of the girls in the face. Harsh, but absolutely hilarious. Me and my one buddy picked up this huge plastic statue and domed him with it, but he still stayed passed out.


The night progressed rather quickly and by five in the morning, mostly everyone had passed out or left. I'd been the last to arrive, though, and I was still hammered off at least a 26 and a six pack, so I just vibed, stumbling around the house, waking everyone up by busting freestyles. At 6 AM, me and my homie decided to grab a taxi home, so we peaced.

the po-po crackin' down for candy

I started heading up town on the first sunny day in ages. I ran into my buddy outside of the high school in town, then we headed up to town square. There were more people there than I'd seen in ages - surely a good sign for the night.

We went to go search for a boot, and saw this native lady who'd gotten us liquor before. We followed her out of the grocery store and asked her, and her husband ended up getting us a shitload of beer. He also gave us his number, and told us that he'd deliver liquor to us anywhere. Prime.

So we headed up to the park. We went into the room we'd opened up by smashing the dugout doors before, seeing as they still hadn't replaced it, and busted out our new beer bong. We ripped a few of them, adding shots from my buddy's 26 to spice them up, until these two other homies walked up and smoked a fat doob with us. They told us there were more people at the BMX track, so we got a hella buzz and headed up there.

We heard some drunken shouting from somewhere inside the bush, so we mished into the forest and found a bunch of our homies with two 40 pounders. We all got crunk and tried to make a huge fire with no success, so we smoked a joint and peaced.

I went down to the corner store, and upon noticing that the manager wasn't there and that I was starving, I quickly grabbed two massive handfuls of the 5c candies and shoved them into my pockets. On the way out I grabbed 3 fat chocolate eggs. We munched these behind the post office while we fucked shit up, then went to QF and grabbed a bunch of sushi. Tasty.

We decided we needed more liquor, so we gave fifteen bucks to this guy Steve. He booked it to the 'liquor store' and never showed up, so he's gettin' beefed next time we see him. Anyways, when we decided we were going to go home, the cops rolled up.

Some fat cop stepped out and started shouting my name, and threw me onto the hood of the car. I beaked him for being racist and demanded that he bow down to my black rights, which didn't make him any happier. He drove me up to the corner store and made me talk to the manager, who informed me that I'm banned, and then he wouldn't even hook up a ride home. I was choked, so I ate one of the chocolate eggs in front of the store before I peaced.

I ran to catch up with my buddies, then we all headed back towards our places. A couple buddies came over to my place and we ripped some tokes, then I passed out.