camping with the beer bong

I woke up and got a huge arcade machine delivered to my house. I paid the dude exactly $420, then my buddies showed up. We decided to get a new beer bong so we peaced out and grabbed the bus to Nanaimo, where we knew there was a store that sold destroyer beer bongs.

We got there, got the beer bong, and got a 15 case of Kokanee. We booked it across the highway to mish into this fort up on the mountain, but these crackheads were all partying there so we decided to vibe just off some little trail.

We drank the 15 case in under twenty minutes. My stomach felt like it was about to explode, and I was already a little drunk, but we decided we needed more beer. We headed back towards the mall and cruised around inside until we saw these two girls. We asked them to grab us another 15 case, and we waited outside for it.

When they showed up, the girl passed me the 15 case and I walked three steps before a cop car rolled up. The cop got out and started shouting at me, then jacked the 15 case and kept beaking us. He admitted that he got off on fucking over kids' nights, then he peaced out. Fat motherfucker.

We met up with the girls again and cruised the mall for a while before we got on the bus back. We vibed in the bus, freestyling and blasting beats, then got off and headed towards this camp site. We walked across the train tressel, which was sketchy as fuck in the pitch black, then arrived at the fire. There were a few tents and about 30 kids there.

We busted out our beer bong and everyone started hitting it, soon enough everyone was plastered. My buddy wanted to deuce a mickey with me in the bong (it was a 2-hoser) so he poured it in. It was dark as fuck, so we couldn't tell that all the vodka went into my tube. I slammed it all, almost puked, then stumbled around in a drunken haze for a while. After a few hours of drinking and smoking, me and my buddy caught a taxi home.

back in the dazed days

We arrived at my buddy's place for his party. We all had our liquor already, I had three 40s of beer. I was stoked.

We vibed in his living room for a bit, blasting tunes and ripping bong tokes, until he got a call from his stepdad (who owned the house.) Apparently, he wasn't allowed to have anyone over. Regardless, we stayed.

Eventually his stepdad showed up. He stood about 6'5 and looked like he weighed more than a cement truck, and he told us to all get the fuck out. Our buddy stayed in to 'talk' with him.

We sat in his yard out of sight, sipping our alcohol, waiting on the outcome. Eventually the voices inside escalated to shouting and finally we heard a huge SMACK. Buddy ran out of the house with his hand covered in blood and told us all we needed to get the fuck out, quick. As we turned to leave, we heard his dad shout "I'M SENDING A FUCKING CREW AFTER YOU, KID. YOU WON'T LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW." We all booked over the fence and sprinted across the town to this huge suspension bridge.

Our buddy, somewhat sketched out for his life, slammed a half a two six quickly. I downed a couple of my 40s under the bridge, and when the sun went down, we risked heading back to his place. His dad was gone, so everyone got hammered and tore the fuck out of the place.

After we'd destroyed the house we headed over to the gas station. I hadn't been in on it, but my buddy, the one who'd smashed his dad, had decided to jack it up. Drunk as fuck and pissed off, he ran in with a knife and demanded all their smokes. He looted up a garbage bag full and peaced the fuck out. We followed him, and everyone earned themselves a couple packs of smokes or cigars.

We vibed in the dark for a bit, making sure to avoid the slew of cops that were cruising around town, and everyone finished off their liquor and chronic. After that, me and another buddy just hitched a ride to this girl's place and vibed there, smoking our free smokes.

Chillin' in the prickles?

I got a ride to my work and picked up my paycheck, then ran all the way up town and cashed it.

Now that I had some cash, I decided to meet up with my buddy Jones. We ran into this other kid, too, who I don't really like that much.

We hunted for a boot for a bit, then ran into my mom. It took a while to convince her, but finally she agreed to get us our liquor.

Me and Jones got our beer, the other kid got his two six. We shotgunned some beers behind the pool, then busted into the dog park and took slams there. Having a good buzz, we went back to the pool and saw a group of kids chilling. We hung out with them for a bit, then peaced to the playground.

I busted out my skate on the playground and we vibed, shotgunning beers and watching the other kid get hammered as fuck. Two girls showed up and decided to chill and watch us get drunk. I can't imagine why they didn't join in, they were sober as shit on a friday.

Anyway, Jones pissed all over one of the slides, and the drunk kid decided he'd try to walk up it after. He slipped, and ended up sliding face-down through Jones' piss. He threw out his hoodie and smashed the 26 in anger while me and Jones were shitting ourselves laughing.

We wandered over to the dugout, and found that they'd replaced the door we smashed before with a reinforced steel one. We knew that nothing could stop us, though, so we stomped it in. It took a lot longer this time. Anyway, we went in and looted it, harvesting all these weird bats and a bunch of boxing gloves. I jacked up this huge metal lawnmower thing and tried to bomb around on it, but it dyked out.

Jones peaced when I had a pretty good buzz on and I heard there was a party at the BMX track. I started heading that way, the other kid couldn't walk straight so the two girls decided to look after him.

As soon as I got to the BMX track people started handing me ciders. Fat. There was a huge fire going and a bunch of homies all chilling; some of them had beef with the kid I'd been with before. He's pretty fucking annoying, so I gave him a call and told him to come up to the BMX track.

A bunch of the kids there all surrounded him when and one of them started throwing punches until he fell down into the bush. I felt kind of bad, but it was kind of amusing.

At that point I remembered I was supposed to be going snowboarding tomorrow and that the annoying kid was crashing at my place, so we decided to head 'er.

Walking along the path behind the school, the kid fucked up and managed to stumble into a ravine that was filled to the brim with thorn bushes. Every drunken step he took just sent him further in until he sat down. I told him to get out but he just sat there muttering drunkenly.

I went in to try and pull him out but I almost got stuck myself; after I actually managed to lift him a little he fell back even farther. I was bleeding like shit already so I started screaming at him to get the fuck up, but he started puking all over himself.

After about an hour of shouting at him, he finally actually attempted to get out. He stumble back onto the path just as I was about to leave him... We walked back to my place, his arms dripping with blood, and when we got there he passed out. I ripped some bong tokes, then passed out myself.

I woke up twice in the night because every time he got up to take a piss, he tripped and smashed headfirst into one of my tables. In the morning my mom decided she didn't want to take him snowboarding because he was still drunk, so we just kicked him out.

Whack nights.

Gettin' crunk at the mall

I met up with my buddy in town, then got on the bus where we found a bunch of our other friends.

We trekked to the mall and ran into some chill hippies we'd seen before. They took us to their car and sold us a fat five sack. We ran into another dope hippie and asked him to grab our liquor, and he said sure. He gave us his car key as collateral for our money, so we flashed it around to a bunch of other kids and now a bunch of our friends all think we've got a car stashed two towns away :P

Anyway he brought our liquor back to his car. We quickly shoved the two 15 cases and the mickey into our backpacks; he was driving away and we didn't want the mall cops to see us. One of us scoped us out through the window as soon as he sped off though so we had to run to the other side of the mall.

So we got up on the roof and all shotgunned some beer. We ran into a couple other groups of kids smoking weed and we all got cheeched as fuck. It started to get cold though, so we stumbled through the store and went to the family washroom, which is more of a lobby than anything. There's a huge leather chair and a fat table.

We shotgunned some beers in there but a family started bashing on the door outside just as I was taking out my beer bong. My buddy picked up his sub and we all hustled out single file. The people outside were beaking us pretty hard but we just booked it.

We ended up behind this one store outside and I busted out my beer bong. We had some beats playing and we slammed back 20 of our beer in about half an hour.

As soon as we realized we were drunk as fuck, security showed up. Me and my one buddy grabbed our backpacks with the rest of the beer and peaced right the fuck out, but our other two homies stayed there and let my beer bong get jacked.

I was pissed (in more ways than one), so I burst into the Co-Op and tried to buy a pack of smokes. The jackass didn't let me though, so we called our other buddies and met up with them again. We stumbled around the mall until the bus showed up. We got on, all hammered, and enjoyed the pleasure of being able to scream and fuck around on a bus full of wasted teenagers.

Eventually we got back to my place and rolled up a huge fucking blunt, then passed right the fuck out.

Parksvillian times

I started off the morning moving a bunch of wood with my buddy Jonah. My mom paid him $20, which we used to aid our beer fund.

We took the bus to our neighbouring town to wait for our buddy. To pass the time, I pulled out my pocket knife and jacked up one of the signs from inside the library. I hid it in my backpack and we went outside to await our friend's bus.

She showed up, but she'd forgotten to ask her dad for a boot. Thus, we stood outside the bar for a while until about 20 kids showed up. My buddy bought some smokes and we trekked to another liquor store where we got a 26 and a bunch of beer.

We went to this killer little fort inside this forest and had a few slams there. We'd bought a huge sack of chips so we munched hard, too. Then we trekked to the playground to relive old times. We sat in this spider-webbed thing and I slammed a quarter of the 26; we all proceeded to get fucking hammed.

I spotted three people in the distance and we decided to go meet them. They turned out to be 3 really dope girls from down the island. We vibed with them for a bit, then went back up towards town. Our one buddy, pretending to be choked, walked the other way, and a cop pulled up and arrested her.

Me and my other buddy peaced out, and I bought a cigar from the gas station. We stumbled into my bank drunk as shit, puffing the cigar, and I tried to get another 20 bucks but the fucking machine ate my card. So we mished to McDonalds and waited for a taxi home.

I got home, munched, and, depressed that my night was over, seemed to have turned manic depressive - I punched myself in the head until I was unconscious on my couch.

Drunken idiocy, back in the day

I arrived in town, ready to head to a party.

When I heard how much liquor we were getting, I got excited and punched a tree so hard I broke my knuckle. Great start to the evening.

Finally we arrived at the party house. We pulled out the two sixes of 151, and I bet some kid twenty bucks that he couldn't slam a small glass full. He attempted and started puking everywhere. Damned kid got shot before he could pay me my 20 scrall.

Everyone got progressively hammered, and when the two sixes were done, me and my buddy just stood playing pass with them in the kitchen. I went into a bedroom and some kid hit me with a painting easel, so I picked up the closest thing - a hair straightener - and domed him with it.

I peaced back to the living room where one of my buddies was lying on the ground, coughing and gagging. Apparently he was having an asthma attack. This was all intensified due to the fact that the house, everything and everyone in it were all covered in the shiny shit from those lightup glow sticks. Quite whack to me.

Eventually a bunch of drama began to unfold and everyone started screaming. Some bitch got a huge rock from the road outside and brought it in to smash some other girl, but she just ran. I was told that eventually the girl who'd gotten the rock got into some guy's car and came back half an hour later with no clothes on.

I went back in, choked that the party had been destroyed by whack beef. I kept slamming from a 26, I can't remember what kind, and woke up passed out in the bathtub with a 10 inch breadknife and blood all over my leg.

Weird.

Infuriating the townspeople

I went up town and ran into a couple buddies, who I bought a fat doobie off. I was stoked already. I met my other buddies while heading to town square, and we debated where we were gonna get our beer for the night.

I looked across the street and saw this sketchy looking native. Instantly, I decided we should ask him to boot for us. He did, and we got our beer.

We went to the underground parking lot of the library and managed to slam half a beer before security showed. We booked it up the stairs and burst out the door, running out in front of traffic, each of us holding a half-full beer. We managed to get down the hills to the tracks before the security guy could get into his truck and find us.

We slammed some brews at the tracks, then went up to the dugouts and tagged them all. We saw the native guy hanging around so we went and talked to him for a bit, then headed down to QF. We saw some guy book it across the floor and jack up two huge bags of paper towels, then book it right back out of the store.

We met up with another buddy and mished over to the elementary school. One of the doors was open, so we ran in and grabbed this huge cow bean bag. While we were hauling it across the field some bitch came out and started screaming, so we stashed it under the bleachers and peaced. While we were walking, someone drove up to where we stashed it and shouted at us.

"YOU'D BETTER KEEP WALKING, FAGGOTS!"

"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU FIND THE BEAN BAG?!" I screamed back. They didn't answer, so we sprinted back to town square. We climbed onto the roof and tried to light some Draino we jacked from QF on fire, with no success. We slammed another beer up there when the security guy from before AND the people who saw us jack the bean bag drove up at the same time.

We jumped off and booked it back to the tracks; this time one of the cars managed to chase us. They screamed obscenities but we didn't pay attention, we were too busy hiding in the bushes drinking beer.

We were all sufficiently drunk now and decided to head over to this construction site, but on the way me and Buddy A noticed that the back door to this restaraunt was open. We ran in and all we could see were hundreds of burger buns, so we jacked a couple bags and sprinted over to the construction site where our other homies were. We chilled there for a while, munching and blazing, 'til we all headed home.